Fetiquette by Zen
These are a few of the points that came up in the March 2003 EOS meeting on Fetiquette. It
was a good discussion and what is below only represents my own notes.

1. Your dominance or submissive nature is not something that impresses others in and of
itself. There is a big difference between being dominant and domineering. A person who is
submissive is not there to be hit on and fondled by so-called tops. When in a social setting
like a munch, everyone is equal, regardless of role. A munch is a social time, a community
meeting, not a meat market.

2. Don't demand a title. Don’t assume because you give yourself a title that others believe
in your self-appointed position in the community.

3. Don't lie about your experience and skills. You will be found out. If others can't trust
you with this basic honesty, why on earth would they want to play with you?

4. Tops, don’t play with anyone who says they have no limits. Instead take the time to teach
that person what limits are, why they are important to identify, and help him or her
identify a few.

5. Bottoms, don’t play with a Dominant who uses your limits against you (e.g. well you can't
really be submissive then can you?).

6. Just because some players are more extreme than you does not mean they are edge players,
dangerous players, etc. It could just mean they have more experience than you. Instead of
judging them, why not try to learn from them.

7. Everyone has their own kink. Don't assume you understand it. Don't judge it. Don't gossip
about it. Be discreet. Don't say to others about someone what you could not say to his or
her face

8. Don’t assume others are here for your pleasure or for your learning experience.

9. Don't put your hands on anyone unless it is clear you have their permission.

10. Respect alternatives… "homophobia, racism, and BDSM don't mix"

11. Just because a Top or Bottom plays outside their respective, primary relationship does
not mean they want to play with you. When approaching such a Top or Bottom, be authentically
respectful of his or her partner. If your respect is not authentic, stay away.

12. Don’t use someone's scene name in a vanilla setting. It is an invasion of their
privacy.

13. Don't be insulted if someone asks you what your orientation is?

14. Don't assume a slave is anything other than ONLY submissive to her Master.

15. Don't touch a leather man's hat ever.

16. Don't touch other people's toys unless it is clear you are allowed to.